From our mother’s womb, we express the need to be independent and free. We kick our mothers in the womb because we want to come out and live our own lives devoid of the flow of food and water from the placenta of our mothers. The idea of marriage is a very fascinating one. It depicts two individuals who have instincts of independence coming together as one. And this means that conflicts are inevitable.
It’s an undeniable fact that one of the causes of conflicts in marriages is our need to be free to do what we want and not to be controlled by another person. There is an in-built mechanism in us to do what we think and feel to be right. However, we sometimes end up causing conflicts in our relationships and marriages when we decide to do what we feel like doing.
It’s therefore imperative for any married couple and those in relationships to understand the causes of conflicts and to develop mechanisms to combat such conflicts. Married couples can agree on certain rules that must be abided by no matter how the other partner is feeling. Infractions of these rule must be accompanied by what I call romantic punishments.
Here are Four rules that couples can go by
- Don’t Shout on top of your voice. This must be considered by both partners as a rule whose infraction is serious and punishable. Someone has rightly said that if couples or partners shout at each other it means they are distant from each other. You know if some one is close to you in arm’s length you do not need to shout for the person to hear you. This is because of the proximity. On the other hand, you will need to shout at someone who is far from you. This means that that couples are emotionally distant when they shout at each other. It is also a common thing for couples to shout each other during conflicts. A rule against shouting at the other partner can be a means a way by which couples can easily and quickly solve conflicts. A careful study of the likes and dislikes of each partner can be a source of prescribing punishment to this infraction. For example, the kind of chores you know your partner hates to do can be suggested as a punishment. If the man hates to wash dishes and it’s not his duty to wash dishes, then washing the dishes can be a punishment for shouting at his partner. If on the other hand, the woman hates to take out the trash and its not her duty, it then it becomes her duty the following morning for shouting at his partner.
- Pick the call of the other partner no matter how angry you are. When tempers flare, as a result of a conflict between couples, the last thing anyone of them will do is to pick an incoming call of the other. But that is exactly why I am proposing this particular rule. There is no conflict that can be resolved when there is no dialogue. So in essence a phone call is a means of reaching out to the other partner to discuss the issue at hand and to resolve it. It is therefore important for couples and even those in serious relationship leading to marriage to agree that no matter how they are pissed off they will pick the call of their partner. Failure to do so should be accompanied by an agreed punishment. If any of the partners missed the call, then they should return the call after seeing the missed call notification on their phone before the partner returns home. In the case where the man refuses to pick the call, then he has to do something for the woman and vice versa. For example, as an agreed punishment for not picking calls, the man may have to cook supper on the same night if possible or cook supper the next day. Now most men will gladly allow their wives to be in the kitchen so this sort of punishment is very deterrent to the man. To some women, there is nothing as romantic as a man cooking for them. Countless testimonies of such women abound. What about the woman? What punishment can be applied to her? It can be agreed that if the woman is the erring partner then the man will not leave any house keeping money the next day. Someone has also said that even though women earn money there is nothing as sweet as receiving and spending their husband’s money. As a punishment, the woman will have to provide money for the kids and the entire household so the men get to go on a one day leave of not giving “chop” money. Again, if you have studied each other’s dislikes and likes it will help in prescribing the “romantic” punishments.
- Always say “thank you” when you are corrected or rebuked for doing the wrong thing. Nobody likes to be rebuked. The feeling of being wrong and being chastised is not something pleasant. However, in that bad mood of yours, you need to muster courage and thank the other partner for correcting you. The ladies are more likely to be rebuked than the men. Well, men this is one rule that you can set. After she has accepted her mistake and did not say “thank you” to you for correcting her, make her scrub your back in the bathtub while bathing. You know what to do when she is scrubbing your back. Get her wet and remove her clothes. Then collect plenty kisses as bribe from her. Make out in the bathtub.
- Refusing to say “please” when requesting for something. This can be a rule that you set. However, I suggest that more “milder” punishments like massage and rubbing the feet of the partner should be prescribed. You know each other better so you will know the kind of romantic punishments to prescribe.
Well, as the saying goes, it’s easier said than done but I believe it’s possible for couples to set similar rules with romantic punishments to keep their marriages alive and sizzling.
Author: Michael Hagan || Chrife.com.gh
